Dear Heart,

_U9C8563+PIN

Dear resilient heart of mine,

Do you remember when we moved to Santa Monica? It was a time full of scary transitions and hopeful beginnings. Our friends invited us to stay in their charming yellow bungalow just blocks from the Pacific and it was our first time living on our own ever. You were pretty hurt. You had just been battered, broken and beat up. All of your fears had come to life. It took some time but I was holding onto hope believing in the fairy tale ending, enough for the both of us.

We rode our bike. Do you remember the mint green beach cruiser that our ex bought us for our 22nd birthday? It ended up getting stolen when we were living in Africa but during this season, it was our method of therapy. We would ride back and forth on the Santa Monica bike path listening to The Civil Wars – Barton Hollow album. Remember when we heard “To Whom It May Concern” for the first time? Oh man, I swear we listened to it at least 25 times the ride that we discovered it.

Why are you so far from me?
In my arms is where you are to be
How long will you make me wait?
I don’t know how much more I can take
I missed you but I haven’t met you
Oh but I want to
How I do

This song was the beautiful bandage that wrapped you all up and started mending your pieces back together. It was everything to us at that time. It was an essay of love. A declaration of hope. A promise of redemption.

 Slowly counting down the days
Till I finally know your name
The way your hand feels round my waist
The way you laugh, the way your kisses taste
I missed you but I haven’t met you
Oh but I want to
How I do

We might have held onto that declaration of hope a little too much. This was a season of searching. We searched our soul for whatever it desired and gave into all of it’s cravings. I have to apologize for that because I put you through even more. That bandage had to be administered a few more times and we even busted out some super glue once to help put the pieces that were shattered beyond belief back together. No matter what, there was always a tiny piece missing. They were left behind as  souvenirs of those brief moments in time.

I couldn’t help it, I have always been that hopeless of a romantic. Oh…but then we fell in love with Jesus.

That changed everything. It wasn’t about us searching anymore. It wasn’t about us fulfilling our own desires. Yes, we knew more than anything we wanted to be a wife and mother but it was so beautiful when we realized that it was all in God’s control. This allowed us to chase after dreams that we put on the back burner as we waited for “the one”. We so badly wanted our beloved to be in the picture before we took those first steps but it was time to place one foot forward. God whispered to us that “He was working on him” and would “bring him wherever we go”.

So we went but couldn’t help but dream of those promises being met on the red dirt roads of Uganda.

I’ve missed you but I haven’t met you
Oh how I miss you but I haven’t met you
Oh but I want to
Oh how I want to
Dear whoever you might be
I’m still waiting patiently

You were beating fast inside my rib cage and I was questioning if we should share this intricate piece of information with JP. I mean, it was our lifeline for a season but as we pulled into plaza for a slice of pizza on our very first road trip together, I pressed play. Hands were held. Tears danced down cheeks. Promises were delivered. Redemption had been made.

I want to promise the bandage will never be brought out again but that might be a lie. I’m sure we will need to wrap you up in it several more times throughout life but the best part is we don’t have to do it alone. We have an amazing Healer and a patient husband to help us pick up the pieces. No more solo beach cruising and bungalow living for us. If and when we ever listen to that song again,  we will be reminded of how God knows and delivers our most intimate desires.

Thank you for being strong enough for the both of us.

Mary

bda
  • June 25, 2015 - 4:08 pm

    Kelsey - I’ve come across your Instagram many times before and have loved to see and read your posts, and for whatever reason I have never followed you. Recently though your beautiful posts have crossed my mind so I tried to remember your Instagram name. Of course I was searching for wandering with Lucy lol and then I remembered it was Mary! Anyhow, now that I’m officially following you, and went further on to read your blog, I just want to thank you for how uplifting and inspiring you are as a woman of God. You are such a reminder for me to look to God and get in the word. Being surrounded by people at work and in the daily life that don’t walk with Christ can be a little discouraging at times. It’s refreshing to read what you have to say. You are one of those people that make others say, “I want what she has, all that love and happiness, what is this Jesus thing she’s talking about?” If I could choose you as a friend in real life I totally would! Lol thank you again! :)ReplyCancel

  • June 27, 2015 - 7:25 pm

    stephanie wright - This is so beautiful!
    I LOVE your vulnerable heart.
    You have really encouraged me to write again to write about my story. I’ll always remember the post about the puzzle pieces.
    How we may only see a certain piece but God sees the whole picture. I’m in a season of transitions/ unknowns and I’ve been really hard on myself because I just don’t understand. Lets just say my heart has been really tender and I’m not the best at guarding it, or letting The Lord protect it. This post was really encouraging. Thank you Mary for everything!ReplyCancel

Your email is never published or shared. Required fields are marked *

*

*