dark matter giving light


For the last couple of weeks we have known that Thursday, June 25th would consist of my husband and I having a date night with Ed Sheeran at The Hollywood Bowl. Does anyone else love his music out there? I was quite excited to cuddle up and dance with JP to his sweet tunes while thousands of other Angelenos did the same. Then our good friend Drew asked us if we wanted to go see Rob Bell speak on his Everything is Spiritual tour instead. I do not have much experience with Rob besides recently starting to listen to his weekly podcast which I have been enjoying. After we weighed our evening event options, I knew in my heart we had to go see Rob in this intimate experience. I am so happy we did.

Something he touched on during his ummm…show/lecture/teaching/message…is we cannot ignore our past. His teaching started at the beginning of time and traveled through particles becoming atoms, atoms becoming molecules and molecules becoming cells which eventually became people after 13.8 billion years has passed. Rob said “the universe cannot ignore its own history and neither can you.” We are all made up of the history of the universe and of our own past. Everything we have gone through makes us who we are today.

As you know, I am pretty comfortable talking about my past. There are some things I am still sorting out that feel quite fragile but there are also other things I have grown to understand and learn from. Those lessons were dark. They weren’t easy. There were so many tears. Phone calls to my best friend where I just said the same things over and over. Self hatred and doubt. Insecurities and fears. Let me tell you what…the results of this time were the most beautiful.

Last night something was said that I couldn’t help but go “mmmhmmm” out loud.


“We generally tell stories about the dark matter, the unknown, the stuff that cannot be explained. That is what turns us into who we are.”- paraphrasing Rob Bell

There was talk about suffering and how there really is no prescription for it. Grieving needs to happen and it’s going to happen naturally and in its own way. No bible verse, baked goods or certain amount of counsel will declare you “healed.”

So why do we suffer? How do we handle it? I believe we suffer so we can relate. Do I want to talk about my divorce all the time? No. That is in the past but still the past makes me who I am. I am so grateful for my divorce. I have never felt so humble and relatable. I have found community in my despair. I remember feeling so alone through it all but the more I was able to tell my story, the more I realized there are so many people who have gone through this or ARE going through it. Now we have this bond we can relate on even if it is something that was once rooted out of our biggest fears.

 Be vulnerable in telling your own story. These things..the dark matter..the grief..this is what brings people together. We never know why we are going through something hard in the specific moment but when we meet someone who has also gone through it, it becomes more clear. I’m looking forward to speaking more about this in September at the Nine Retreat.


I am giving out ANOTHER $500 discount code for the retreat. If you missed last weeks post about this amazing event, click here to learn more. To enter to win this code all you have to do is declare a dark matter of yours in a comment. You don’t have to talk about it. Just declare it out loud. Maybe you have never said it out loud or maybe it’s something you are open about. If you have more than one, go for it…I know I do. The goal for this is to just see that you are not alone. You have gone through those things for a reason, as hard as it is to believe. Nothing is wasted. These things DO NOT define you but they have shaped you into the beautiful, strong woman you are today.

If I were to comment mine would be:

Divorce, Abuse, Cheating, Child Molestation and Body Image Issues

I will do the same as I did below by adding your emails to a random name generator and a winner will be picked next Friday!


Wow! I was so excited to see the response to my last post on the Nine Retreat. I really hope all of you ladies can come!!

Everyone who commented on wanting to attend names were put into an online name generator and I am so excited to share who won!

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Can’t wait to experience this retreat with you Elizabeth!

  • June 27, 2015 - 7:13 pm

    stephanie wright - self worth, anger, bitterness, rejection, sexual abuse.ReplyCancel

  • June 28, 2015 - 8:34 pm

    melissa - shame & inadequacyReplyCancel

  • June 28, 2015 - 9:20 pm

    Mindy Braun - Bullying, rejection, self worth, loneliness, bitternessReplyCancel

  • June 29, 2015 - 12:24 am

    M D - Not being good enoughReplyCancel

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